1. i'm super good at procrastination. that's why i'm here... doing this instead of my really long paper that's due in 13 hours... i'd rather read all of kamille's blogs and respond with my own then do the final assignment for the class i'm doing the worst in.
2. i'm a bad LEO. oooor at least i think i am. leo's are always suppose to be the center. very self-important. always in charge, in command, in demand. ok ok, most of those things are true but i really think i'm a bad leo because i never like to capitalize my "i"s when i write. my sidekick does it automatically when i text and am on aim but i never do it on my own. it makes me feel conceited like as if i'm thinking the "i" in my sentence is more important than all the other words when it's just a single letter word. "a" is a single letter word and it doesn't go off always needing to be bigger than everyone else so there's no reason "i" should do that either. sometimes when i'm on my sk and it automatically capitalizes i go back and make it lowercase so it looks normal... especially if i'm naming other people in the sentence - if all of their names aren't capitalized then i don't need to be. if i DO capitalize them and not i, then i'm trying to show how important they are to me and how much they matter in the conversation. hah, take THAT stupid self-centered LEO stereotypes! ...but then again i did just write a whole paragraph of mostly "i"s... shit!
3. i over-think/over-analyze everything. it's really not safe man... when i do that it gives me anxiety attacks which trigger my asthma attacks which make me super dependent on prescription medication which make me feel sorry for myself and get depressed which makes me have to take even more medications which only lead me to think about things on deeper make-believe levels. woops, there i go again. really tho, i start to think about possible outcomes of situations and it spins off into parallel universes in my mind. i think about the underlining subconscious reasons behind my actions in situations and i come up with ridiculous analogies and theories that are almost always allegorical. and lemme tell you, allegorical analogies while in deep, contemplative, anxious thought only ever makes you think more... and ramble in confusing monosyllabic words as i was just doing. the end. fin. jk...uhhhh?
4. it's been 10 years since i started searching and i still haven't found my faith. i know it's always just around the corner. it just sucks because the corner seems like a pious lifetime away. pardon the expression but it always felt like a void that needed to be filled. i thought it was actually. i always think it is. maybe i'm not filling it with the right things. eleven was a pretty young age to have lost my faith. i might have lost it even sooner than that but it wasn't until then that i realized it and went searching. it's funny to think that i can actually say i've been searching for my spirituality and my place in my faith for a whole decade. i've jumped from path to path (only following along half-heartedly for most), just long enough to get a doubtful mind and change course once more. i'm happy that i've always felt like i was just taking different routes, always to get to the same ending destination. i know that i'm a good person and i try to do the right thing. they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. i know this without going to church every sunday... but every weekend i still feel guilty. private prayers and studying of world religions only satisfies for as long as i have self-discipline... which is as long as a few weeks and then my procrastination takes over.
5. i still have doubts as to which of us will look better in the end. i'm hoping it's me... really i am. i mean, you peaked in your teens. i on the other hand am still blossoming (or at least that's what i keep telling myself). i mean this all based on what we do with our lives. none of this is about physical looks. i just mean, i keep hoping i'll have the better career, the better relationships, the better life... better to whom? who cares. the end should justify the means, right? well in that case only God can judge me. but still, i have my doubts. i know i'm on the right path. i'm so focused, so on track with all my goals. i'm motivated, more than you would ever believe. i've changed and i'd like to think it's all been for the better. no, actually i really do believe it's been for the better. i'm a better person going to a better place and each year (like christina aguilara) it just keeps getting better. the only thing to cast doubt on my life is YOU. hah, i'm glad i'm getting this out and all cleared up!
6. i didn't decide my major until 2008. i kept changing it. when i was young i wanted to be a lawyer. i knew i'd be the litigator, the only leading the fight... until i realized you might get stuck fighting for the bad guys. goodbye childhood dream. high school came around and i was inspired. i wanted to teach. i wanted to inspire. i wanted to change the world, one student at a time... but i didn't know what i wanted to teach. i liked history. i mean, it was ms. peppers (a.p. us history) who inspired me the most. i had been close with some teachers, rescued by others, but the way she commanded my attention with those events and their significance was phenomenal. i decided i wanted to teach history... too bad when it came to college i really didn't care about it anymore. it didn't feel the same... then i finally took a class with duane kubo- ics 20 : the asian american experience or some kinda title like that. omg, it changed me. it changed my life. it made me look into my background, my family's history. i discovered pieces of myself in alvin lau poems, in ronald takaki books, in blurry old i-hotel documentaries. from the very first day of class til the last, i knew it was my calling. it was just this spring and now if you ask any of my friends about me and ethnic studies, they'd call me an "expert"... hah, i like the sound of that. now i can keep with my dreams of teaching - inspiring others and changing the world - and at least i know i'll be teaching the my version of history and helping them towards my version of the future.
7. i obsessively match. not just colors. not just what i'm wearing. my room. my shoes. my lingerie. my pens that i write with in class. i always match really random things. i think it's silly but i can't stop. besides, have you ever seen those people who don't know how to match? ew.
8. i stare at my butt... a lot. "Every time I pass a mirror or something that shows an ounce of my reflection, I have to look." <- that's what kamille said about her vanity when she filled this out before me. my butt got A LOT smaller than it was when i was younger. i use to be a size 14 my freshmen year of high school and although i was fat, i still loved myself and my body. i loved my legs in shorts and skirts. i loved my ass in anything tight. i just loved how spandex could hug me so tightly. ugh. now i'm a size 9. still thicke, i know. every time i look in the mirror (or pass by a dark classroom window) i check myself out. i look at what is and remember what once and i reminisce... then i keep on walking.
9. i'm addicted to tattoos. i don't like needles but i love tattoos and piercings. i hate going to the doctors and gettings shots. the needles scare me. but ink, i <3 style="font-weight: bold;">10. i hold my own boobs when i sleep sometimes. maybe i got so use to cuddling with girls that i need to touch boobs to sleep. hah, i know it sounds weird but if they're readily accessible, my hand will magically find its way up here and just cup them. haha, ok enough with that.
11. i'm a hypochondriac. i think... webmd was like the worst thing ever. enough said.
12. i punish my body with harsh diets only to impress people i don't really like... idk why i do it but it seems to happen... and i mean c'mon. i'm the hippo. i looooove food.
13. i come from a broken successful family. lots of stealing, cheating, lies, scandals, paternity tests, attempted murders/suicides, successful ones, asdfghjkl... but we still pull through it all.
14. i'm a hater. haters are people who use to want good shit but when good shit didn't happen for them, they started hating good shit. haha, who said that again... katt williams? it's true tho. now it's come to the point where good shit just doesn't appeal to me anymore. i can't even accept good things happening in my life. i have to run away and then talk about how i never wanted it in the first place. i hate good shit, therefore i am a hater.
15. i don't wonder about the saying, "if you buy someone shoes, they'll walk out of your life". quite frankly, i don't need to wonder about it because people come and go. if you rely on avoiding superstitions like that to keep people around, then you need to strongly consider your reasoning skills... besides, i like it when people buy me shoes and if they knew it'd eventually lead to me walking out of their lives, i might not own as many pairs. really tho, don't wonder about quotes - just keep on buying stella more shoes.
16. i'm a big fan of quotes. i probably recite atleast 10 daily. 7 of which are from various movies. the 3 that are from poems, novels, and religious texts however are the good ones. they make me feel smarter. they make me sound smarter. if i could think of a quote about quotes i'd insert it here. too bad i can't right now and i'm just too cool to google it so you can go ahead and do it instead.
6. i didn't decide my major until 2008. i kept changing it. when i was young i wanted to be a lawyer. i knew i'd be the litigator, the only leading the fight... until i realized you might get stuck fighting for the bad guys. goodbye childhood dream. high school came around and i was inspired. i wanted to teach. i wanted to inspire. i wanted to change the world, one student at a time... but i didn't know what i wanted to teach. i liked history. i mean, it was ms. peppers (a.p. us history) who inspired me the most. i had been close with some teachers, rescued by others, but the way she commanded my attention with those events and their significance was phenomenal. i decided i wanted to teach history... too bad when it came to college i really didn't care about it anymore. it didn't feel the same... then i finally took a class with duane kubo- ics 20 : the asian american experience or some kinda title like that. omg, it changed me. it changed my life. it made me look into my background, my family's history. i discovered pieces of myself in alvin lau poems, in ronald takaki books, in blurry old i-hotel documentaries. from the very first day of class til the last, i knew it was my calling. it was just this spring and now if you ask any of my friends about me and ethnic studies, they'd call me an "expert"... hah, i like the sound of that. now i can keep with my dreams of teaching - inspiring others and changing the world - and at least i know i'll be teaching the my version of history and helping them towards my version of the future.
7. i obsessively match. not just colors. not just what i'm wearing. my room. my shoes. my lingerie. my pens that i write with in class. i always match really random things. i think it's silly but i can't stop. besides, have you ever seen those people who don't know how to match? ew.
8. i stare at my butt... a lot. "Every time I pass a mirror or something that shows an ounce of my reflection, I have to look." <- that's what kamille said about her vanity when she filled this out before me. my butt got A LOT smaller than it was when i was younger. i use to be a size 14 my freshmen year of high school and although i was fat, i still loved myself and my body. i loved my legs in shorts and skirts. i loved my ass in anything tight. i just loved how spandex could hug me so tightly. ugh. now i'm a size 9. still thicke, i know. every time i look in the mirror (or pass by a dark classroom window) i check myself out. i look at what is and remember what once and i reminisce... then i keep on walking.
9. i'm addicted to tattoos. i don't like needles but i love tattoos and piercings. i hate going to the doctors and gettings shots. the needles scare me. but ink, i <3 style="font-weight: bold;">10. i hold my own boobs when i sleep sometimes. maybe i got so use to cuddling with girls that i need to touch boobs to sleep. hah, i know it sounds weird but if they're readily accessible, my hand will magically find its way up here and just cup them. haha, ok enough with that.
11. i'm a hypochondriac. i think... webmd was like the worst thing ever. enough said.
12. i punish my body with harsh diets only to impress people i don't really like... idk why i do it but it seems to happen... and i mean c'mon. i'm the hippo. i looooove food.
13. i come from a broken successful family. lots of stealing, cheating, lies, scandals, paternity tests, attempted murders/suicides, successful ones, asdfghjkl... but we still pull through it all.
14. i'm a hater. haters are people who use to want good shit but when good shit didn't happen for them, they started hating good shit. haha, who said that again... katt williams? it's true tho. now it's come to the point where good shit just doesn't appeal to me anymore. i can't even accept good things happening in my life. i have to run away and then talk about how i never wanted it in the first place. i hate good shit, therefore i am a hater.
15. i don't wonder about the saying, "if you buy someone shoes, they'll walk out of your life". quite frankly, i don't need to wonder about it because people come and go. if you rely on avoiding superstitions like that to keep people around, then you need to strongly consider your reasoning skills... besides, i like it when people buy me shoes and if they knew it'd eventually lead to me walking out of their lives, i might not own as many pairs. really tho, don't wonder about quotes - just keep on buying stella more shoes.
16. i'm a big fan of quotes. i probably recite atleast 10 daily. 7 of which are from various movies. the 3 that are from poems, novels, and religious texts however are the good ones. they make me feel smarter. they make me sound smarter. if i could think of a quote about quotes i'd insert it here. too bad i can't right now and i'm just too cool to google it so you can go ahead and do it instead.
haha, could you tell i got lazy at the end?
So, I taggg:
i can't think of who. if you get a text from me tagging you then do it. if not then just pretend you did and do it anyways!
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